If we were to float up and hover above our daily life and look at all the things that make it up. At all the people and things that are part of it. At what we do with each minute of our 24 hours, each and every day. How much of that have we chosen?
The truth is, at some level or another, we chose all of it. If there are things, we don’t feel like we chose, we certainly chose to allow them to continue. So if we have all this choice, how come we reach points from time to time where life seems incredibly cluttered and pressured? Perhaps we lost sight of what we’re saying yes to and no to... and why.
Ask yourself: What was I doing this time last year? How much of what I have done in the past year contributed to the goals I had set for this year? Did I reach or make substantial progress toward my goals? How much of what I am doing is contributing towards my goals?
If you’ve ever heard yourself say yes when you meant no, you know how bad that feels.
I believe that we all have this situation to a greater or lesser extent. Perhaps we over-commit ourselves to work or other areas, try to fit too much into our time, attempt to do lots of things at once, find ourselves doing things that don’t energize us and perhaps in some cases drain us. So what can we do about it? Clear the clutter!
The secret to spring cleaning your life is in those simple words ‘yes’ and ‘no’. Are there situations, commitments or people in your life that you’re regularly saying yes to, that you’d like to say no to? How much time could you free up by saying no to things that don’t give you anything and that you don’t enjoy? What could you do with that time instead?
When you say "yes" to too many things, you overdose on stress. It’s an addiction that’s hard to shake. Maybe you fear offending a friend or colleague or are simply a hard core over-achiever. Whatever the circumstances, consider this therapy. Saying "no" to some things means saying "yes" to others. Always doing urgent things usually excludes important things. Decide what your highest priorities are and be brave.
By consciously looking at what we don’t want to be doing with our time, we clear out the clutter and make space for a better quality of life. We open up our time for the things we enjoy, clearing the way for new opportunities to have fun and to grow. How refreshing will that be!
To what will YOU say yes and no?
If this has struck a chord with you, take action now and answer these questions one at a time, making notes as a reminder:
- What do you spend your time on that you'd like to say no to?
- By saying no to these things, what will that free up time for?
- If you were to put yourself first, what commitments, situations and people would you be saying no to?
- What will you say yes to instead?
Implementing saying "No:"
Usually the last question above is were articles/blogs/speeches end. All motivation and then you are left with "real life" and the fallout from saying no to someone. So here is some guidance on delivering the no.
Involve the other people in your life in your planning. Pull out your planning device and let people know what you've got going. Including others in the decision helps shed light on what really matters most. Particularly those people who are affected by those plans. By involving them in the planning, they will see early on in the process that something has to give. They may volunteer to take you out of an activity so that you may work on your goals. A volunteered no … woo hoo!
When you say "no," rephrase it. Make it sound more positive like, "I am honored you'd ask me, yet for a number of reasons..." Recognize they will be disappointed, but don’t buy the guilt trip. That trip won’t take you anywhere. Also, don’t play the "my goals are bigger (better, more important, …) than yours" game. Say no cordially, but firmly.
If your goals are for your job,
involve your boss and maybe colleagues. If you tie your goals to the boss’s goals or company goals, your boss will probably be enthusiastic and may help you develop a personal work-plan that can include training and/or assignments to get you there. Recognize that the boss may buy-in to it later, so stay focused on your goals.
If you have ever flown in a commercial airline, you know the safety speech. "In the event of an emergency, place the oxygen mask on yourself first. Then…"
Putting yourself first is not selfish. That is how you are best able to help others, from a position of health, strength and consciousness. If you run around putting oxygen masks on others first, you’ll pass out and just be in the way. If something sucks the oxygen out of your life, just say no. Make taking care of you a top priority.
So take some quiet time and choose the "yes’s" and "no’s" for your life. In Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll wrote,
"If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there." Plan your life’s trip so you take the road that will get you to where you want to go.
Contact me now for your complimentary consultation and begin making room for "YES" in your life.
Telephone: 916 • 803•1494
E-mail: eal@EALCoaching.com
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