Are You Stressed?

Tis the season to be stressed. Yep, we are entering the … > > > > > > > > > > > Holiday Zone. < < < < < < < < < < < < It isn’t as if you aren’t stressed enough already. You have work, you have family, you have a demanding boss, you have all the events your kids belong to, you have work at home, you have work at … whoa! You have too much going on. What are you going to do about all this activity? Are you stressed-out?

First, breathe. Just put everything on pause for two minutes, and just breathe. For these two minutes, notice your breath going in and out. Just focus on your breath. Notice how it slows down as you focus on it. Breathe in for a count of four; breathe out for a count of four. Now breathe deeply in for a count of four, hold it for a count of four and then breathe out for a count of four. Repeat this throughout the day. Especially, do it when you are about to explode from the frustration and overwhelm.

Plan A

The “A” stands for attitude. I’ll bet you had thought this is where we talk about priorities and making a list. Only partially true. Your attitude towards what you are doing is more important than what you are doing. Stress is supposed to be a part of our lives. It is only when we are overwhelmed that we think stress is bad. If it wasn’t for stress, we would have many fewer accomplishments, on a personal level and on a societal level.

Yes, stress is good for you. Like all good things, stress is good in moderation. It is when it gets out of control, when it takes over our lives and snuffs the joy out of other things that it is bad for us. “I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.” (Martha Washington, 1732 - 1802)

Now before you think I am trying to get you to change your mind about stress, I think you do need to consider how important what you are doing is and is it in your best interests to be doing it.

Importance and Best Interests

Things that you do usually break down into three categories. First are the “must do’s” – and these include your family, your job or source of income, your friends and your community. The second category of to-do’s is the should-do and the final category is the nice-to-do. Not everything in these broad categories is required. What are your goals as a family, for example? If one of your family goals is to all sit down together for dinner, how do you accomplish that? Perhaps compromise and creative thinking can also accomplish your goals. Perhaps by setting a goal of just four nights of ‘family dinner is doable. Or by bringing the entire family to a practice, you can have a family dinner, picnic-style at the practice.

The second category of to-do’s are should-do’s and third are nice-to-do’s. When a season has its own set of demands, they often take the place or add to your should-dos and nice-to-dos. Again, review what you are doing or planning to do against what is important to your goals of: family, work, friends and community. What will further your goals and what is getting in the way? A couple of years ago, I did it all – baked the cookies, made homemade gifts, decorated “everything” and was too tired to really enjoy the season or my family. At the same time, many family members had gone on diets. You guessed it, my cookies went untouched. This, in turn, hurt my feelings. When I asked, “What, you don’t like my cooking anymore?” The family member asked if I was trying to sabotage their diet! Talk about a communication gap. We laughed about the mix-up in expectations and intentions. Now, I take in the bigger picture and weigh my to-do list against how it affects everybody. This has had the happy effect of dropping some things off my list or reducing the load. I love to bake, but now I only bake cookies for those who will welcome them. This has reduced my baking time and expenses. Win-win.

How important are the obligations and commitments that you have right now? The things that you usually do at the holiday times, how important are they really? What can you delegate? Who can support you? What are your limits and where do you draw the line? How important is your fun-level to you? For everything you put on your list, ask the question, “What benefit will it bring to the goals I have for my family, work, friends or community? If your goal is more family time, don’t put “join the holiday choir” on your list, unless singing is your passion and giving back to the community your goal. Just because you “always” do it, doesn’t mean you need to keep doing it. Perhaps it is time to let someone else do it. Pass the torch. Enjoy the fruit of their labors for a change. Own Your List

Now that you have a list of just those things that are truly important to you, enjoy doing those things. “Change your thoughts and you change your world.” (Norman Vincent Peale, 1898 - 1993)

When you are stressed, when you are harried, remember you chose to do these things. Take a couple of minutes and do the breathing exercise outlined at the beginning of this article. Breathe. Do the counts for a slightly longer period, but stay comfortable. You can do it at a stop light. You can do it in the middle of cleaning up the kitchen. Better is to do it when you take out the trash! Enjoy the night sky while you breathe. You’ll come back in the house with a smile on your face.

If you are very stressed, ask, “Is it time for a course correction?” Do you need to reevaluate what you are doing? If so, do it. Get back to enjoying life and the things you are doing. If it isn’t fun, it isn’t worth doing. Life is too short not to have fun at all times of the year.

Do you feel burdened with too many responsibilities and not enough time for personal enjoyment? Balance is important in your life. Call me and we’ll evaluate the balance in your life, and identify areas that are out of balance and develop a personal action plan to determine your most important priorities. You’ll learn how to set limits, delegate and gain support. You’ll develop a personal action plan to achieve better work life balance. A dream with a plan is a goal. A goal without a plan is just a dream. Warmly,

Elisabeth

Elisabeth Adler-Lund

Executive And Life Coaching

Telephone: 916 • 803•1494

E-mail: eal@EALCoaching.com

Are the Lilliputians Holding You Down?

In the story of Gulliver's Travels, the mythical giant Gulliver is incapacitated by the little Lilliputians who tie him down with a million tiny threads. Often, in our own lives, we get held down by little (petty, even) annoyances. Sometimes they have have been around so long, we no longer "see" them. They just become part of the background of our lives. Just one of the things we put up with. Many years ago, when I first started learning about coaching, I was introduced to the concept of "toleration's". These "little" things, left undone, unexamined or incomplete eventually erode our focus and slow our momentum. Although more than 10 years have passed since I began my career as a coach, the list of so-called "little things" that slow people down has remained almost constant. Here is a list that is by no means all encompassing. In fact, it is intentionally brief. I have discovered, in and out of coaching, that I hear about the same things again, and again. So here is a "top ten" list of things that consistently hold people down. Review the list and make a commitment this week to tying up at least a few of the loose ends that, left undone, might unravel the progress you so want to make in your life and business right now. 1) Clutter. Basically clutter is stuff you haven't made a decision about. It might be paper or some other type of junk clogging up your life. Do a "clutter scan" and commit to eliminating at least one clutter clog this week. Set a timer for 30 minutes and work all-out for that 30 minutes - you can do it. Outer clutter often reflects inner clutter. The more clear your outer reality, the more inner peace you will find. 2) Emotional baggage. Are you still letting your emotional history dictate your present and future happiness? What do you need to do to let go of the old emotional junk? Nobody had a perfect childhood. We were all raised by imperfectly trained people - amateurs really - who did the best they could. Get counseling. Work with your spiritual advisor. Find a way to make peace with your past. Let it go. Let it be. 3) Forgiveness. Forgive others for what they have done to you. This eliminates their power over you. You don't have to agree or condone what they did, just forgive them for doing it. Holding a grudge is holding the pain. As long as you hold the pain, anger and grief, you continue to let the perpetrator hold power to re-hurt, re-anger you. Let it go and watch how you gain peace. Forgive yourself for not being the perfect, mistake-proof human you want to be. You are human. You are great and wonderful, just the way you are. The more we let go of any perceived injury, be it a rude driver or sales clerk, or forgiving yourself for your own flaws and imperfections, the more energy you have to embrace the present moment and make the most of it. This change can make a quantum difference in the way you're living your life. 4) Unread books or magazines. Shelve the books you aren't reading or donate them. Recycle the magazines that are more than a month old. And cancel subscriptions you no longer have the time to read. 5) Someone else's goals. Are those goals you've set really yours? Or are they someone else's "should list" for you? Make the decision to figure out which, and then let go of all the stuff that isn't part of your personal passion list. This is your life, live it your way. 6) Out-of-date insurance policies, wills, trusts and other legal documents. Archive away what you no longer need. Make sure your policies and other legal papers are current and cover what you need covered. Regular communication with your professional service provider can keep things in shape for when you need them. 7) Incomplete communication. It doesn't matter if it's a week old, a month old, or a year old. Find a way this week to close the loop. 8) Half-finished hobbies/projects. I had some projects going once for a couple of years. A new friend asked about them after a couple of months (they were still just sitting there). It made me notice them again. One was for something I no longer owned! It made me reconsider all of them. Only one had any relevance to my current life. I donated them to an assisted living facility. You could also donate them to a school, a shelter or some other group or organization that can use them. If you have a room full of half-finished projects they are taking up more space than you realize and are keeping you from living fully and effectively in the present. There are lots of ways you can clean this one up besides dumping them in the trash. But clear them out! 9) Organizations you belong to. Are you maintaining a membership in an organization that no longer fits in with your current life? We change. We move on to different things and different ways. Do yourself and the organization a favor by ending your membership. Make room for someone who is looking for exactly that type of organization. We all need to periodically review our time commitments and ask the questions: Does this still provide value for me? Am I providing value to this organization or just taking up space on their membership roster? 10) Relationships you've outgrown. This one can be difficult. Please don't think I am recommending that you dump your friends or family. However, if you're spending the majority of your time and energy around people who are not contributing to your life in a positive way, or worse, are energy vampires, it's time to raise your standards and re-think and re-feel that relationship. Rethink who makes you feel good and who supports you and your endeavors. As you do that, re-feel the emotion you associate with that person. For example, you think about a parent that may make you feel badly and hasn't been supportive. You re-feel that relationship to, "Yes I love them, but I will limit my time with them. When we are together, I will remember to not take things they say or do personally." Take a look at anyone you may have unfinished business with, make a sincere effort to complete it and move on. This change can make a huge difference in the way you're living your life. Which items on this list are you going to make a commitment this week to tie up? If left undone, any one of them might unravel the progress you want to make in your life and business right now. These "Lilliputians" are just the kinds of things that can tie us down big time! Make the decision this week to get busy tying up the loose ends in your life. And in the process free yourself to be the "giant" player in life you were meant to be! You may have some that don't appear here and I'd love to hear them. If you want help tackling this list, let me know and we will get it done together. A dream with a plan is a goal. A goal without a plan is just a dream. Warmly, Elisabeth Elisabeth Adler-Lund Executive And Life Coaching Telephone: 916 • 803•1494 E-mail: eal@EALCoaching.com

Is This You?

Many people have approached me for organizational tips and techniques recently. They all say that they need to get more done with less resources. Here are some of the reasons they cited:

• To juggle family and work better.
• All the kid’s activities are exhausting me – Help!
• Layoffs at work means more work to do for me.
• Since I lost my administrative assistant, I need help learning to file.
• My style is to stack stuff on my desk and cabinets, now I don’t have the time to search for what I need.
• I have to be more productive so I won’t lose my job.
• I am drowning in email.
• And on, and on.

Although there is a different reason for each person, I see three broad categories emerge.

• The life – work juggling act we all do.
• Productivity improvement.
• The new workplace.

LIFE AND WORK Today, let's talk about the successful juggling of work and life. I am not sure I believe in work — life balance. Balance implies one hour here for one hour over there. If you put in eight hours at work per day, it will be impossible to balance the rest of your life in eight hour increments. To juggle all of the aspects of your life successfully you have to decide what the important parts are and what is less important. The important parts are the things you commit to putting into the juggling rotation. I also like the juggling analogy, because expert jugglers usually juggle three items regularly. For short periods, to dazzle the audience, they will incorporate more items or more dangerous items (like knives or swords). In your typical day, you have work. What two or three other items will you choose to juggle? When holidays or special occasions come up, what will you add to your juggling act? What will you have to set aside for this period? LIFE IS A BUFFET LINE. Yes, you will have to choose. We get to the table and see all the choices and they all look so yummy. Therefore, we load up our plates: a lamb chop, some roast beef, oh, that chicken breast looks good! Don’t forget to have some vegetables. Oohhh, dessert! Chocolate cake, apple pie, banana cream pie, crème bruleé, marble cheesecake. We can’t eat it all, but we had to have it. Or we eat it and regret it. This is not sustainable or manageable as an eating style or a lifestyle. If life were a restaurant, life would be easier. We get the menu and choose one of each. That is healthier for us on many levels. In a restaurant, we expect to say no to the lamb chop and roast beef, so we can eat the chicken breast. We might talk our dining partner into ordering the cheesecake and we order the chocolate cake. Then, we just get a taste of the other, not the whole thing! We can manage that. We can sustain that. NEW TERRITORY Why don’t we expect life to set those kinds of limits on us? Because we have never been here before. At no other time in the history of our planet, have we had so many choices available to us. It all looks so tempting and good. We are overwhelmed with possibility. We don’t know how to choose. If we say no to that, what opportunity will be lost? So we say yes and then can’t figure out why we’re exhausted, overwhelmed and disappointed. Our great American work ethic is an enabler of this expectation. If you work hard enough, you too can be … Michael Phelps! Donald Trump! Carly Fiorina! Barack Obama! Oprah Winfrey! The list can go on forever to what or whom you aspire. In Michael Phelps's own words, he is “a freak of nature.” His body was created for fast, efficient swimming. Serendipitously, he loves to swim. Nature and nurture came together to create a sleek, swimming masterwork able to acquire gold medals in competition. In trying to emulate Michael Phelps, you disregard your unique talents and contribution to the planet. Be you. DISTRACTED IS THE NEW NORMAL We are so busy multi-tasking, trying to get it all done, trying to do it all; that we are living busy, rushed and distracted lives. We don’t even have the time or focus to enjoy what we are doing right now, because we have to prepare for the next thing on our To Do list. I am convinced we are so busy living 10 – 30 minutes ahead of where we are in time; it is jeopardizing our driving, our health, our lives. The driver, who just cut you off in traffic, isn’t with you on the road. They are already at the meeting and didn’t see you trying to merge onto the freeway. I was at my nephew’s all-star little league game. A parent was on the cell phone talking to a client. The son came over after rounding the bases and was waved away. I heard the parent say a couple of times, “it’s my son’s game you hear.” So, the son didn’t have the parent’s attention because of the client. The client didn’t have the parent’s attention because of the son’s game. The parent gave a poor to mediocre performance to both the client (that can’t be good for business) and the son (how much support did the son get?). At the end of the day, this person doesn’t understand why they are so tired and other people are crabby. And then, they think it’s a productivity problem. A favorite quote of mine by Robert Heinlein is, “In the absence of clearly defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it.” What are your goals? Are your actions supporting your goals? JUST SAY NO I can hear some of you now. “You don’t know my life.” “You don’t understand.” “It isn’t me, it is other people who make me do all these things.” “It’s just the way it is nowadays.” That reminds of me of the universal Mom question, “You are telling me that if everyone else jumped off a cliff, you’d jump off too?” Don’t become enslaved by daily trivia that doesn’t support your goals. Repeat after me: no. No. Now – Say it out loud (I’m serious): no. Now say it with feeling: No! Really mean it: NO! I can’t hear you: NO! NO! NO! NO! NNNNOOOOOO! What were you saying “no” to? I’m sure something popped into your mind. Pay attention to that. It means something. Act on it. Do it now. If you need help determining what to keep and what to toss in your life, give me a call at 916.803.1494 or send me an email to eal@EALCoaching.com. We’ll figure it out together. A dream with a plan is a goal. A goal without a plan is just a dream. Warmly, Elisabeth Elisabeth Adler-Lund Executive And Life Coaching Telephone: 916 • 803•1494 E-mail: eal@EALCoaching.com

What is your mission statement?

Why have a mission statement? I believe we all have a purpose or mission in life. You know in your heart what is most important to you. Most of the time your values and mission are reflected by how you live your life. You may not even realize how you are broadcasting your values. Sometimes, life gets in the way. Making someone else happy or satisfying their needs takes precedence. That is when you get weary. When you lose your spark. When you feel “out of synch.” When you feel out of balance. That is when you are out of balance with your personal mission statement. Knowing when to make someone else happy or yourself happy gives you a guide or map to living consciously and deliberately. If you take the time to think about what your priorities are, you will know what to do next. When the day-to-day clutter of living gets in your way, everything can seem like a priority. The old saying, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease,” is true. What is competing most for your attention can throw you off your course of what is important to you. WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU? Today, we're going to help you find the right words to put that mission down on paper. I’m going to pose a series of statements that only you can answer or finish. There are no “right or wrong” answers. Only what is right for you. When you think about a personal mission statement, you need to think about your whole life. For your life to be “in balance,” you have to consider all the elements in your life. Here is a list for you to consider as elements that make up a whole life:

1) Work / Career 2) Family / Friends 3) Spiritual / Religion 4) Health & Wellbeing 5) Fun / Recreation 6) Money / Finances 7) Physical Environment 8) Personal Growth 9) Significant other / Partner / Spouse THE STATEMENTS Complete the following statements as they are true for you today. Not as you think you “should” be. And, not for as you were last year or want to be next year. Truth, for you today.

• Five positive characteristics that define me are …
• For each of the five characteristics, write down an action you take to express those traits.
• My best talents and skills are …
• I use money to …
• My natural talents and gifts are …

These are the elements of your mission statement! Good job! You now have the beginning of a mission statement built on a foundation of your values. You have more clarity into you want to be and to do in your life. You can also start to detect the values and principles upon which your life is based. I encourage you to write and revise your mission statement until you feel it reflects your mission and values. Distill it down to a paragraph or even a sentence, that is meaningful to you. With permission, here are some for you to read. Some will appeal to you. Others won't. You'll see that mission statements come in all shapes and sizes, just like people. They were created for a unique purpose and person. “I want to experience life’s passions with the newness of a child’s love, the sweetness and joy of young love, and the respect and reverence of mature love.”

“My mission is to give, for giving is what I do best and I can learn to do better.”

Mahatma Gandhi captured his mission statement in a short list of active statements. You can create your mission in this style, starting each sentence with "I shall" or "I will." “Let the first act of every morning be to make the following resolve for the day: * “I shall not fear anyone on Earth. * “I shall fear only God. * “I shall not bear ill will toward anyone. * “I shall not submit to injustice from anyone. * “I shall conquer untruth by truth. * “And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.”

“My journey is about helping people. I see people the way they ‘really are’ and help them manifest that life.”

“I want to be the kind of person my dog already thinks I am.”

“I am joy, love and laughter. My mission is spread joy, love and laughter every where I go.” LIFE IS AN ONGOING PROCESS So is your mission statement. Life is a journey. Your mission statement is your map. "Organizing your life around the many roles you play will help you maintain balance and focus on your key relationships rather than focusing on tasks and things." Stephen R Covey

Over the years, your circumstances will change. Your priorities will change. Your goals and dreams will change. That's okay - because change means growth. As you grow, transform, and broaden your horizons, allow yourself the freedom to expand and refine your mission statement. For now, congratulate yourself on a job well done. Tell your friends about your newly stated purpose in life. The next step is learning how to live your mission. Maybe it's easy, but maybe it takes some guidance. I’m here to help. Call me and let's find the path to fulfill your mission.

A dream with a plan is a goal. A goal without a plan is just a dream. Warmly, Elisabeth Elisabeth Adler-Lund Executive And Life Coaching Telephone: 916 • 803•1494 E-mail: eal@EALCoaching.com

Make Room for Yes, By Saying No

If we were to float up and hover above our daily life and look at all the things that make it up. At all the people and things that are part of it. At what we do with each minute of our 24 hours, each and every day. How much of that have we chosen? The truth is, at some level or another, we chose all of it. If there are things, we don’t feel like we chose, we certainly chose to allow them to continue. So if we have all this choice, how come we reach points from time to time where life seems incredibly cluttered and pressured? Perhaps we lost sight of what we’re saying yes to and no to... and why. Ask yourself: What was I doing this time last year? How much of what I have done in the past year contributed to the goals I had set for this year? Did I reach or make substantial progress toward my goals? How much of what I am doing is contributing towards my goals? If you’ve ever heard yourself say yes when you meant no, you know how bad that feels. I believe that we all have this situation to a greater or lesser extent. Perhaps we over-commit ourselves to work or other areas, try to fit too much into our time, attempt to do lots of things at once, find ourselves doing things that don’t energize us and perhaps in some cases drain us. So what can we do about it? Clear the clutter! The secret to spring cleaning your life is in those simple words ‘yes’ and ‘no’. Are there situations, commitments or people in your life that you’re regularly saying yes to, that you’d like to say no to? How much time could you free up by saying no to things that don’t give you anything and that you don’t enjoy? What could you do with that time instead? When you say "yes" to too many things, you overdose on stress. It’s an addiction that’s hard to shake. Maybe you fear offending a friend or colleague or are simply a hard core over-achiever. Whatever the circumstances, consider this therapy. Saying "no" to some things means saying "yes" to others. Always doing urgent things usually excludes important things. Decide what your highest priorities are and be brave. By consciously looking at what we don’t want to be doing with our time, we clear out the clutter and make space for a better quality of life. We open up our time for the things we enjoy, clearing the way for new opportunities to have fun and to grow. How refreshing will that be!

To what will YOU say yes and no? If this has struck a chord with you, take action now and answer these questions one at a time, making notes as a reminder:

• What do you spend your time on that you'd like to say no to?
• By saying no to these things, what will that free up time for?
• If you were to put yourself first, what commitments, situations and people would you be saying no to?
• What will you say yes to instead?

Implementing saying "No:" Usually the last question above is were articles/blogs/speeches end. All motivation and then you are left with "real life" and the fallout from saying no to someone. So here is some guidance on delivering the no. Involve the other people in your life in your planning. Pull out your planning device and let people know what you've got going. Including others in the decision helps shed light on what really matters most. Particularly those people who are affected by those plans. By involving them in the planning, they will see early on in the process that something has to give. They may volunteer to take you out of an activity so that you may work on your goals. A volunteered no … woo hoo! When you say "no," rephrase it. Make it sound more positive like, "I am honored you'd ask me, yet for a number of reasons..." Recognize they will be disappointed, but don’t buy the guilt trip. That trip won’t take you anywhere. Also, don’t play the "my goals are bigger (better, more important, …) than yours" game. Say no cordially, but firmly. If your goals are for your job, involve your boss and maybe colleagues. If you tie your goals to the boss’s goals or company goals, your boss will probably be enthusiastic and may help you develop a personal work-plan that can include training and/or assignments to get you there. Recognize that the boss may buy-in to it later, so stay focused on your goals. If you have ever flown in a commercial airline, you know the safety speech. "In the event of an emergency, place the oxygen mask on yourself first. Then…" Putting yourself first is not selfish. That is how you are best able to help others, from a position of health, strength and consciousness. If you run around putting oxygen masks on others first, you’ll pass out and just be in the way. If something sucks the oxygen out of your life, just say no. Make taking care of you a top priority. So take some quiet time and choose the "yes’s" and "no’s" for your life. In Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll wrote, "If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there." Plan your life’s trip so you take the road that will get you to where you want to go.

Contact me now for your complimentary consultation and begin making room for "YES" in your life. Telephone: 916 • 803•1494 E-mail: eal@EALCoaching.com