Riding the Rapids of Job Loss

If you’ve recently been laid off, I am sorry. In spite of what you may have read, you can’t truly prepare for job loss. We’ll cover some steps to take, some financial, some job-related, but when the layoff comes – watch out. Your world crumbles a little, people change, and you change. You go up and down and around with emotions. It is like riding wild rapids in the river of life. What's the worst that can happen to you? Here are some things that I’ve seen recently: You lose your job You run out of savings You have to sell your home It's a down market and you can't sell your house You move, pull the kids out of “their” school Your whole lifestyle changes

More people are facing an extended period of joblessness and the potential financial difficulties that go along with it. The newspaper reports unemployment has reached over 11% in California. As the number of people experiencing joblessness rises, so does the duration of unemployment.

Conventional wisdom has long called for you to stash away up to six months of living expenses to carry you through a financial emergency or job loss. However, with more job hunts lasting longer than half a year, backup funds can dwindle, and you will have to make more and more tough financial choices. It is painful to think about bad things happening, but if you still have your job, starting now will help you later. Start living below your means now and save all the money you can. There might come a time when you don’t have an income.

Handling Job Loss When you lose your job, you often lose your professional identity. There is frequently a loss of self-esteem and you may feel lost yourself. A job gives you structure and a destination everyday. Lose the job and you lose your structure. And there is the, “What do others think of me now?” You lose your daily network. You are no longer with your co-workers. Often times, friends don’t call because they feel awkward or don’t know what to say. People ask, “How are you today?” (how do you think I feel?) “Did you get a job yet?” (I wouldn’t keep that a secret – so no, not yet.) Sometimes followed by “I see McDonalds is hiring.” (Is that what you think of my skills?)

Emotionally Unprepared Even if you’ve been unemployed or laid off before, it is hard. Your emotions swing as if you are in a rubber raft going through the rapids. How did you feel at first, and how do you feel about your job loss now? Some common feelings people experience: Anger, Shock, Embarrassment, Fear, Anxiety, Worry, Depression, Fatigue, Lethargy, Lost, Powerlessness. REMEMBER: This event is something you will learn from and as a result will make you stronger. Grieving is a process You are experiencing a loss and need to understand the grieving process. Some of the greatest psychological stresses: 1. Death of a loved one 2. Divorce or ending of a relationship 3. Loss of a job 4. Move and relocation This is a big loss. Don’t minimize it. Don’t underestimate it. Deal with it. The sooner you met this challenge head-on, the sooner you will be able to put it behind you and get on with your life. If you don’t deal with it, it can fester like a cancer. It can make you bitter and hard to live with. That bitterness may leak out in job interviews and prevent you from getting a job. The stages of loss in the grieving process (from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross):

• Shock - you may not be fully aware of what has happened
• Denial - you cannot believe that this has happened to you
• Relief - you feel that a burden has been lifted from you
• Anger - you blame yourself and others for your situation
• Depression - may be present now or set in later
• Acceptance - the final stage

“The final stage,” as if it is a nice and neat linear process. It is not. Sometimes you make progress through the stages. Sometimes you find yourself revisiting a stage. Sometimes you get stuck on a stage. Then you think you’re through and it all comes crashing back in on you.

Coping Strategies Here are some ways to help yourself through this process.

• Make a list of the stresses affecting you. Separate those things you do have control over from what you do not have control. Focus on what you can control. If you can’t control it, set it aside. Reduce stress by learning relaxation techniques and exercise.
• Set priorities – do your first things, first. What are the most important things you need to do? What tasks do other tasks rely upon? Do these first. Wait to apply for a job until after you have polished your résumé, or you just waste your time.
• Establish a workable schedule. Do not overload yourself with an unrealistic schedule.
• Set attainable goals for the day, the week, the month, etc. Make them SMART goals. (Specific, Measurable, Actionable/Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound)
• We need to be in acceptance of where we are and develop strategies to get beyond this point. Monitor your emotions and control any adverse emotions. Don’t hold things in and then explode all over your family. Talk to them. Let them know what is going on with you, inside. You also need one good “pity party” to let it all out. Tears are cathartic. (Yes men, I’m talking to you.)
• Find or form a support group to help you through this emotional roller coaster. Help someone else through their dark time – it will help you too.
• Strong negative emotions – if you experience these, give yourself permission to take a break from your job search to do something (exercise, take a trip, mow the lawn, plant vegetables, etc.) to get your mind off your situation.
• Have some fun. Plan it into your schedule. Take the family on a weekend camping trip. Have your friends over. Make it potluck and you all can have a good time for little money. You aren’t being punished; you don’t need to be a martyr. Surf college websites for free or low cost things to do locally. You might see an interesting public seminar to attend also.

Family & Community Support Let your family support and help you. Do not attempt to “shoulder” your problems alone, they are in this with you. Talk to your family or close friends and listen to them. Maintain an open dialogue with your children. Let them know it’s not anybody’s fault. Reinforce the idea that they are not at fault, nor a burden. Let your children help – or feel a part of the solution. Build family spirit, “we can do this together.” Use your community support structures: church group, social groups and other family support groups. People want to help, let them. You are being kind by letting them assist you. If you are one of the proud, independent types, you may not realize how selfish it is to prevent people from helping you. You are denying them the joy and reward by being able to give. Let them give. It is a gift to them. Avoid Isolation We don’t want others to know how we feel – so we have a tendency to isolate ourselves. It is important to keep in touch with your friends. Call 2 or 3 people a day. Hey, maybe you can be a help to them. GOOTH – Get Out Of The House! You are still the same person you were before you lost your job. The only difference now is that you have a new focus. you can make the choice to isolate yourself and be depressed; or to be upbeat and pro-active. Join a support group. You need to be able to talk to people other than family members. This is not to exclude your spouse or significant other — but you need many different perspectives.

Tips to Stay Emotionally Healthy and Motivated

• Eat properly. Plan and eat healthy meals. Eating well will help you keep a good attitude. It is easy to relax the diet and to eat junk food. Now is not the time. Besides you can’t afford the new clothes that eating junk food will require.
• Exercise—regular exercise reduces stress and depression.
• Allow time for fun — you are allowed to enjoy your life even if you are unemployed!
• Make a list of your positive qualities.
• Ask your spouse or close friend to give you positive feedback.
• Replay your positives.
• Use your positive qualities list before performing difficult tasks.
• Take time to review your past successes. You were successful before and you will be successful again.
• Know your strengths and limitations. At what do you excel? What do you need to learn?
• Balance your limitations against your strengths. That way the negatives do not eat at your self-esteem.
• Visualize success. Hold that picture in your mind.
• Visualize positive results in your mind before an event (interview, job fair).
• Picture yourself successful in whatever you’re about to do.
• Build success upon success.
• Make a daily “to do” list— an achievable list (not 100 items long!).
• Do not overload yourself with things you cannot possibly achieve or that are not important right now.
• Surround yourself with positive people.
• Volunteer – help someone else or an organization.

New Beginning As you move on, understand that you are creating a new beginning for yourself. You may not have wanted to paddle up this tributary in the river of life. You may have been happy on the old river. But, you are here now. Embrace this adventure. Live in the present moment. There are good things happening all around you, notice them. Your glass is either half-full or half-empty. Which is it? The past is over and you cannot change it. So let the past go so you can see the opportunity that is now in front of you. Don’t dwell on the past and relive it over and over. For a moment, mentally go sit in your car behind the wheel. Your future is the windshield. Your past is the much smaller review mirror. Focus on the windshield and you get further, faster. You’ll see the opportunity off-ramps as you approach, not as missed opportunities in your review mirror. Take responsibility for yourself. What happens to you now is up to you. Learn to accept what you cannot change. In most situations, you are the one in control. Your actions will influence the outcome of events. Oprah Winfrey once said, “Luck is preparation meeting opportunity.” So be prepared and be lucky. Have a polished résumé at the ready. Know your strengths and limitations. Practice, practice, practice your interview skills and answers. Keep the job search under your command. Network - enlist the aid of everyone you know for help. Use informational interviews for information and networking. Talk things out with confidants. Find a positive way to vent your feelings. Recently Stephen Covey, author of “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and “The 8th Habit,” spoke about this idea of career renewal and change. He insisted now is the time for organizations and individuals to focus on reinvention: “We are living in a white-water world, and these are Level 3 rapids. You must have a clear sense of what your purpose is and the skill set to get there.” “Take charge,” he says: "It's more important than ever to draw on your imagination, think strategically, take initiative and work outside your immediate circle of influence.” I can assist you to find your way and move on. If you are ready to jump back into the job hunt, call me. “Thought is the sculptor who can create the person you want to be.” (Henry David Thoreau) Coaching will allow you to think positively and stop you from prolonging negative activities like bitterness and blame shifting and release you to find your next job. A dream with a plan is a goal. A goal without a plan is just a dream. Warmly, Elisabeth Elisabeth Adler-Lund Executive And Life Coaching Telephone: 916 • 803•1494 E-mail: eal@EALCoaching.com