ARE YOU DEMONSTRATING LEADERSHIP?

“Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of mediocrity. You’ll avoid the tough decisions, you’ll avoid confronting the people who need to be confronted and you’ll avoid offering differential rewards based on differential performance, because some people might get upset. Ironically, by procrastinating on the difficult choices, by trying not to get anyone mad and by treating everyone equally “nicely,” regardless of their contributions, you’ll simply ensure that the only people you’ll wind up angering are the most creative and productive people in the organization.” Colin Powell said that about organizational leadership.

I think this is also true for your personal leadership. The leadership you demonstrate in and of your own life. If you are waiting for the next job, the next relationship or for when you’ve lost 10 pounds to do anything, you are not demonstrating leadership in your own life. What you are doing is being complacent and waiting for one of these things to “fix” things for you. You are avoiding “the tough decisions” that you need to make about your health, your career, your relationships or whatever is tough for you.

You are avoiding “confronting the people who need to be confronted.” You need to confront yourself and demand the same level of respect and responsibility that you expect from others, from yourself! Yes, this may upset you. It will probably upset those around you too. They will think you aren’t “nice” anymore. I have seen clients bend over backwards to provide respect to others and be responsible for others, but who can’t get out of their own way to solve their own problems.

Find and Fix Problems

Our culture often defines asking for help as weakness or failure, so people cover up their gaps, and everyone suffers accordingly. Define your problems down to the small details. ‘Know the enemy,’ as the saying goes. That way you can better define your solution. Be as objective as you possibly can. Keep asking yourself, “Am I part of the solution or part of the problem?”

Let’s take an example. Chris hates her job. It pays well enough, but it doesn’t fit her personality or her work-style. She told me that her “family won’t let me change jobs.” Hmmm. I had to ask, “why not?” It came out that her family has a tradition of being attorneys, so she is in the family business. However, she hates writing, doesn’t like being cooped up in an office and really doesn’t think she has anything in common with the other corporate attorneys in the office. When I asked, "Who is living Chris’s life," she answered “my family.” She had abdicated leadership for her own career.

When I asked, “What does Chris’s life would look like to Chris?” She answered she longs for the great outdoors and to work with and in nature. When we drilled down for the details, it turns out that Chris chose what to wear to work, what car to buy, where to live, and more. It was more of an “expectation” that she stay in the family business. Chris eventually decided only Chris could live Chris’s life. We did some brainstorming, and she decided to transition to environmental law as a first step. Once she took leadership back for her own life, she felt confident about her choices and could make the big decisions.

I understand other people have expectations of how we should be running our lives, but they are not in charge of what we choose to do. This responsibility lies squarely on our own shoulders – and it is a big responsibility! If not, we would not put so much time and energy into trying to hand it off to someone else, where it doesn’t belong.

Giving away the leadership for your own life will leave you feeling powerless and stuck. Taking leadership gives you the power and momentum you need to move forward.

This whole concept can be both frightening and liberating. Frightening because it gives me access to more choices than I ever thought I had – and choices equal power; liberating because suddenly I can pursue any life, dream, career, relationship that I choose to pursue. Remember, things don't just happen to you. You have power to decide what your life will be like.

If there is something, someone, some career, some place to live, etc. that you really, really want – you are the only one who can get it for yourself. And – this is the tough part – no one can prevent you from pursuing it unless you let them.

The first step toward transforming yourself, your work, your relationships and your life starts with Taking Leadership for Your Own Life. You are moving forward to the life you want. Keep asking yourself, “Am I part of the solution or part of the problem?”

Want more help? Contact me and we’ll get you where you want to go.

A dream with a plan is a goal. A goal without a plan is just a dream.

All things are possible,

Elisabeth

Elisabeth Adler-Lund

Executive and Life Coaching

Telephone: 916 • 803•1494

E-mail: eal@EALCoaching.com