SPRING CLEANING LIFE’S CLUTTER

I was reading a great article in my newspaper about cleaning up one’s digital clutter. I thought a better title would have been, “Spring Cleaning Digital Clutter.” That led me to realizing a good topic for today would be, “Spring Cleaning Life’s Clutter.” 

What is Life Clutter? It is anything that clutters up your life. Your clutter may be different from my clutter, which may be different from your partner’s clutter. It is anything that no longer serves you and gets in your way. 

It may be old and familiar. Some examples of this type of clutter are: 

• Newsletter and e-zine subscriptions you no longer read or are no longer relevant to you where you are now. 
• Ditto for magazine subscriptions.
• The resentment/fear/anger you still harbor for someone in your past. 
• The piles of ___ that take up space and only gather dust. 
• Hosting the traditional holiday/birthday/anniversary celebration as you’ve always done.
• Your job. 

 It may be new clutter:

• The volunteer gig you signed up for because ___ asked you. 
• It’s a worthy enough cause, but you’re not particularly passionate about it.
• TV 
• Your email account. So much comes in to you, you can’t find important emails. 
• Your job. Your formerly “great job” no longer is so great. 

New Territory

We have never been in this place before of information and action overload. In my first email account (a Yahoo account), I had over six thousand unread messages at one time. It became so overwhelming to me, I just stopped opening it up. That really cut down on what I received. NOT! I went in and unsubscribed to some interesting e-zines and newsletters. I only kept what I could read in 3 hours a week AND tied directly to where I was in my life. I mass deleted everything past a certain date. I just knew I was deleting some really “good stuff.” I held firm and just did it (with my eyes closed when necessary). Today, I have cut down the allotted reading period to two hours.

The Past is, well, Past

Hanging on to past resentments, fears or anger you still harbor for someone or something in your past is a waste of today’s resources. It does not hurt these people to hang on to that stuff. You only hurt yourself. Letting go of the resentment, anger or pain does not get those people off the hook for what they did to you. It just allows you to be pain free.

Less pain from the past means less baggage to cart around today. I once told a person who was struggling to separate work from home to pack her personal baggage in the trunk of her car when she got to work and take out the work baggage. Then to reverse it at the end of the workday when she went home. I must tell you that I had never seen this woman smile or just be happy. After about a month, she came into my office humming and smiling. She said, “I got tired of packing and unpacking all that baggage. So, I decided to dump some of it. I travel lighter now. And guess what?” “What?” I asked. My husband and I aren’t getting a divorce anymore!” She went on to explain that once she stopped carrying the grudges around, she stopped feeling so resentful. That in turn allowed her to have a conversation about the future with her husband. Together they decided they wanted to travel the future with each other.

Yes to Ourselves

For those of us who are people pleasers, it is hard to disappoint people by saying “no” to requests. So we say yes. Then we disappoint ourselves. One of the most important people we need to say yes to is ourselves. We often treat ourselves like second-class citizens. We would never treat other people the way we treat ourselves. What is up with that?!

Repeat after me, “I just can’t do that. Sorry.” Again, only this time, say it out loud, “I just can’t do that. Sorry.” One more time with feeling and sincerity, “I’m sorry, but I just can’t do that.”

Please note, you don’t have to really feel sorry. In the beginning, you might feel sorry. But, as you practice this skill, it will get easier and you will feel less sorry. With the additional time, you will be able to participate more fully in those “yes” tasks and activities. You will provide more quality with less quantity of tasks. The amazing thing is how few people will actually ask you, "Why not?"

Self-Care

Many women, and particularly mothers, struggle with giving themselves permission for self-care. Maybe on Mother’s Day, they will allow others to do things for them. Rather, to be healthy and resilient to the daily stresses and strains, daily self-care is a better practice.

I can hear you now. So repeat after me, “I’m sorry, I just can’t do that.” Teach your children and spouse  independence by allowing them to clean up after themselves. Or, to cook dinner. Or, to do some laundry. Provide some initial training, but then step back. Sure, mistakes will be made. But, you are teaching them life skills for their future and yours. And remember, once upon a time you were a beginner at those tasks too.

In the process, by taking care of yourself, you also teach them to do the same. Nurturing yourself is not selfish. By taking care of your own well-being, you will be better able to be there when they really need you. You will be able to give more to others and with better quality. Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. When you give, someone receives. When you receive, you allow someone to give you a gift. That sustains the natural balance of life.

Taking care of yourself doesn’t need to be elaborate or consume large amounts of time. Here are some easy ways to practice your self-care:

• 15 minutes for meditation or solitude,
• Going to a movie you’ve wanted to see,
• Mindfully enjoying a treat,
• Take a walk outside,
• Take an aromatherapy bath,
• Play like a kid,
• Have a cup of herbal tea while doing nothing else, and
• Put on some music you love and sing or dance like no one is watching.

Only you know what will fulfill your needs. Here are some other examples of ways to self-nurture:

• Sign up for a class for fun.
• Enjoy a nice meal alone or with a friend or loved one.
• Buy yourself some flowers or a plant.
• Get a professional massage.
• Explore sensual and sexual pleasures with a loved one or by yourself.
• Get a manicure or pedicure.
• Listen to or read uplifting literature.
• Go to a concert or theater.

Sounds good, doesn’t it? Go do it. Do it NOW.

This week’s coaching:

What is your life clutter?

1.      What can you get rid of in your life?

2.    By saying no to some things, what will you say yes to?

3.     What baggage will you unpack and dump?

4.    Which of the easy self-care items will you do today? Tomorrow?

5.     Which of the more elaborate self-nurturing items will you do this week?

Let me know via the comments section below or by sending me an email, the answers to this week’s coaching questions. I’m curious what you will say no to, to get to yes.

A dream with a plan is a goal. A goal without a plan is just a dream.

All things are possible,

Elisabeth

Elisabeth Adler-Lund

Executive and Life Coaching

Telephone: 916 • 803•1494

E-mail: eal@EALCoaching.com