CHANGE IN 7 EASY STEPS

So you want to make a change. How’s it working for you so far? Hmmm. Yes, change can be hard. It can be scary. It can be uncomfortable. It can also be rewarding. Change can be joyful. Change can be the best thing ever to happen to you.

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them” – Albert Einstein

You are here. You want to be over there. You can’t get to “over there” with the same thinking that got you to “here.” Einstein was right. It is your thinking that got you here. To get where you want to be, you have to think differently. Your current thinking recognizes you need to change. To actually make the change, you will have to adopt a different way of thinking, or at least a different approach or perspective.

1. Getting Outside the Box
How do you change your thinking? One way is to get a different view of your situation. A new perspective may be all it takes. By looking at the situation from a critic’s viewpoint, and trying to understand their point of view, you will gain valuable information. Don’t stop there. Check out the view from a supporter and again from someone totally unfamiliar with your situation. How does the situation look to a venture capitalist? If you had to sell your situation to someone, how would it look to that person? All these various viewpoints will provide you useful information.

Let’s say I want to leave my job. It is boring and filled with administrative trivia. A critic might say, “Perhaps, but, all jobs have elements of that. And, it is a steady paycheck. You’re crazy to leave.” An objective, third party might talk about the parts of the job I do like. The objective, third party would also talk about future opportunities in the job versus what my new venture would look like in five years. A venture capitalist might say my skills are wasted at the job and I definitely should break out on my own. If I had to sell my job options (stay and go) to someone, she might say the only one she’d buy is the solo gig. This was a very simplified version, but look at all the information gathered.

2. Overcoming Inertia
Some days, change is easy and just … flows. Other days, we question why we are putting ourselves (and family) through all this. Change clots up and doesn’t happen. That resistance to change should be expected. By expecting it, you will be prepared when inertia lifts its ugly head. The bigger and more drastic the change, the greater the inertia. Somewhere on the scale of small change to drastic change is your sweet spot of change. Aim for your sweet spot of change.

Let’s say you want to lose 20 pounds. Somewhere on the scale, (no pun intended) of a pound a day to a pound a month is your sweet spot of “one pound every X days.” Besides being bad for your health, losing a pound a day is just not sustainable. Nor is the weight loss this brings. If you choose the other end, at a pound a month, you will lose momentum. It will take too long for you to see results. Something sustainable for me is to lose a pound every four to five days. That way I build in the needed exercise and can modify my food intake without hardship or drastic lifestyle changes that won’t be sustainable.

Smaller changes also have the advantage of being easy to start. Sometimes the enthusiasm for change gets you going. The smaller changes are also more sustainable. If inertia does show up, make a small (micro small if necessary) step towards your change. It may feel ridiculously easy. Good. That’s the point. A step forward, no matter how big or how small is still forward.

3. You Can Only Change Yourself
Often the people in our lives do not want the change we want. Their inertia can be harder on you than your own. They may be negative, pessimistic or even try to stop us from changing. What to do? One strategy is to ask for their help and get them on your side. Or try to find a way to make the change without disrupting their lives too much. If necessary, you may have to cut them out of your life for a short time.

Recognize this truth and save yourself grief and frustrations. You may be able to control someone for a time, but you cannot force them to change. Instead, model your change. Be a good example of your change. Inspire, influence, encourage, support and help your important others. Realize their change is up to them. Find peace in that truth. Let go of your need to control others.

“The Serenity Prayer” by Reinhold Niebuhr is often quoted for good reason. Here is the beginning of it:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

4. Change What You Can
Life is messy. Sometimes you’ll want to change something you just can’t change. Learn to accept that. As Mr. Niebuhr said, “Change the things I can…” Find those areas where you are in control; where others will allow you to change; and focus on those. Learn to accept that. This is part and parcel of sharing your life with others. You don’t have complete control. That is part of the joy and wonder of having these people in your life.

5. Finding the Joy in Change
The secret for successful change is the joy of your change. Find the joy in your activity and you will keep at it. If you hate jogging, you won’t sustain your running program. If your heart sings in the shower afterward, focus on the shower. You will keep your running program to sing in the shower. Honest. You are golden when you have integrated the change into your life. You have found an activity you love doing or you have found something to love in the activity.

Humans like variety. So now that you are singing in the shower, how do you keep that joy alive? You nurture it. Find a way to vary it. Be one with your activity so that you enjoy it fully. This reinforces the joy you do get. Try a new perspective, a new angle. Find new people to share the activity or the joy. Be grateful. This is all an art form. A book or technique on sustaining joy has not yet been invented.

6. Celebrate and Celebrate Often
Celebrate all the victories – big and small. Discouragement is the acid that erodes change. We think we should be further along. Celebrate all your progress. Staying the course, not giving up, is a reason to celebrate. Celebrate how far you’ve come. Tell the world – Tweet about it, post it on Facebook. If you have promised yourself a treat for hitting a milestone, be sure to give yourself the treat. If you promised yourself a massage after losing ten pounds, give yourself the massage. If you don’t you’re betraying yourself, which will cause motivation problems down the road of your life.

Remember, you are a human being. That means that you will sometimes fail. You’ll eat cake instead of salad, you won’t run, you just can’t face the change today. Be prepared for it. Expect it. Those who don’t fail don’t attempt to do things. Rejoice in your failure – it means you are trying. Learn from it so you’ll do better the next time. Celebrate the failures too. It is all good.

7. Keeping It Up
Big change or little change, permanent or temporary, change has value. You learn from it. You get joy or satisfaction. All good. To keep the change around, you have to incorporate it into your life. It has to become a habit, part of your routine. If you can tie it to an existing habit, that is even better. To add walking into my life, I tied it to getting the mail after work. Everyday, I park my car and walk down to the mailboxes to get the mail. I tweaked that routine by parking the car, changing into shorts and walking shoes, walking three miles on the long way to the mailbox.

You CAN do this. Change is what makes life such an adventure. Enjoy the journey. Not all seven of the steps are easy. But they are all do-able. Get out there and do them.

This Week’s Coaching
Work on the step above that is hardest for you in the change you are trying to make. Map out your plan. Then, take the first step. Celebrate that step. Take the next one. Yeah! You’re going strong now.

All things are possible,
Elisabeth

Elisabeth Adler-Lund
Executive and Life Coaching
Telephone: 916 • 803•1494
E-mail: eal@EALCoaching.com