HOW’S YOUR MOJO?

One of my favorite rock bands, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, recently released a new album. MOJO. Back in June, I saw them in Oakland (5 June – the start of their tour). Ironically, Tom lost his mojo with the crowd when he launched into the new MOJO music set. This isn’t a concert review. I bring this up, because I have lost my mojo recently. As I listened to the Mojo album, it reminded me of the concert.

Tom Petty has a professional team to assist in planning the concerts. Moreover, Tom is a seasoned professional, who knows how to put on a great show. If seasoned professional can lose his mojo, anyone can. Today is about how life can get in your way and you lose your mojo.

Mojo – Defined
For those unfamiliar with the term mojo, it has several meanings. The ones I am using are “to have or to use one’s momentum.” And “one’s personal energy or charisma.” Mojo originally comes from hoodoo (different from voodoo) and it is the staple amulet of African-American hoodoo practice, a red flannel bag containing one or more magical items. The word is most likely related to the West African word "mojuba," meaning a prayer of praise and homage. It is a "prayer in a bag" - a spell you can carry. From the Urban dictionary I found it can also be a description of personal charisma or energy; "luck" (or more commonly "bad mojo" as in "bad luck"); sex appeal or talent.

When someone says, “They are on a roll!” You know “they” have mojo. There are other meanings for Mojo. Mother Jones has an iPhone app called MoJo. Marshall Goldsmith has a book, MOJO, How to Get It, How to Keep It, How to Get It back If You Lose It. For him, Mojo is the moment when we do something that's purposeful, powerful, and positive and the rest of the world recognizes it. I think we all understand “mojo” and what it means, it just maybe hard for us to describe.

Right now, I have no momentum. My personal energy is a minus five on a ten-scale. Charisma? Puh-leeze! Zip. Zero. Nada.

It Is All About the Learning
I have a problem of beating myself up when things don’t go as planned or as envisioned. It is something I am working on. (See previous post) The new album was a gift in two ways for me. One, new TP&THB music. Yeah! Two, it stopped the self-abuse I was heaping on myself for the troubles I was going through. I remembered the loss of momentum during the concert. Tom did get it back. He recognized its loss. From the stage Tom said, “Ok, that’s enough new stuff. Let’s get back to what you came to hear.”

The important take away for me is: If professional concert planners can plan and organize everything, and still lose momentum during a concert; why am I beating myself up for losing momentum in the much bigger arena of life? A concert is scripted in many ways. Life? Not so much.

It isn’t the mistakes you make; it’s when you don’t learn from your mistakes, that you fail. So what have I learned?

1.) Acknowledge the loss of momentum out loud. With an artist like Tom, even though he had good NEW music to play, he recognized that on this night, the crowd wanted the old favorites and to sing along. He really seemed taken aback when the crowd went silent as he played the new music. He acknowledged that and reassured the crowd what was next. For me, it was acknowledging out loud, that things are not going well to my partner in accountability. Saying it out loud to someone was surprisingly difficult.

2.) Have a plan in the first place. Tom actually played his set as it had been planned (I’ve seen the set list). When the plan didn’t go over well, he made a mental note. I know this because I saw the look he gave other members of the Heartbreakers. For me, my plan now needs to be ditched and reworked. This is hard. I had much invested in the old plan.

3.) I am trying to mine my old plan for its flaws, wrong judgments and errors. It is difficult to do that with something you have invested a lot of yourself. You become blind to its reality. Thus, I have turned to a neutral third party. This has been very helpful. Sometimes she is just a sounding board and as I talk/explain, it becomes obvious (to both of us) what is a better solution.

Getting My Mojo Back – Part 1
Getting your (my) mojo back is a multistep process. First, you have to define what is right for you. You do that by knowing who you are. Ask yourself, “Who am I?” And, “How do I see myself?” A part of that is defining what your values are and what values you will never compromise. For long-time readers: how is your values list coming along? A little coaching help here is start each sentence with, “I am …” This is not about how others (spouse, co-workers, family, friends, etc.) see you. It is all about how you see yourself. Mojo is a very personal thing. If you can’t define yourself, you can’t define and then find your mojo.

Defining yourself can be tricky. “I want to be the person who …” often gets in the way of “I am the person who is/does …” Really search your life events for clues about who you really are. If you don’t have many life events maybe you are “risk averse” or “afraid of the unknown.” Be careful not to judge yourself on your intentions, instead of your actions.

Part of my challenge is that I became my plan. I didn’t set boundaries as to what is me and what was my plan. Thus, when my plan failed, I failed. It is hard to get up out of the muck of failure. It keeps sucking me down, like when you lose your shoe in mud. Your foot comes out, but the shoe stays stuck in the mud. You are not your plans. You are not your failed plans. Repeat after me: “I am not my plans. I am not my failed plan.” (I feel a little better, how about you?)

Now that you know who you are, go forth and find out what your character is among your co-workers, family and friends. This is where others tell you what they see as your actions. You know the old saying, “actions speak louder than words.” What have your actions said to people? How do they define you?

Speaking of actions, what are your recent accomplishments? What has gotten you accolades at work? At home? As you think about your accomplishments, don’t confuse difficulty with accomplishment. I have a tendency to dismiss my accomplishments with, “Everybody can see/do that.” So I don’t always tell people what I see or what I do. I don’t see it as something special. After all, why state the obvious?

Just because something is easy for you, doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable. It might be easy for you to write a memo about a process improvement that is obvious to you. It might be the most valuable thing you do this year. As you compile your accomplishments think also about the impact your accomplishment has made.

Now think about what you can and cannot change. That is acceptance of “what is,” also known as reality. “The Serenity Prayer” by Reinhold Niebuhr begins, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…” Assess your reality, take a deep breathe, maybe a little sigh of regret, and accept it. It is, what it is. No matter how pretty your rose-colored glasses, it is, what it is. This may be one of your greatest challenges. I know it is mine.

On the surface, it should be easy. But if you ask, “why me?” or “it isn’t fair.” You are just resisting reality. You are not accepting something. Fairness has nothing to do with it. My plans went awry. I must accept that. If I don’t, I’ll become bitter about what might have been. In some circles that is also known as baggage. I have enough baggage, thank you. I don’t need more.

This is just plain, old disappointment. Yes, I am too smart (and I’m sure you are too) to plan stupidly. But hey, it happens. Now is when I must use my “courage to change the things I can.” What can I change? Me! And my plans. Ahhh, “wisdom to know the difference.”

I am not going to let a single setback ruin my life. Are you letting a setback disrupt your life? Are you playing the ‘blame-game’ of who really is at fault? That is not productive. Change what you can. Figure out what went wrong, and get on with it already. You cannot change the past. Learn the lesson and let it go.

Getting My Mojo Back – Part 2
I find as I talk to people, that our perception of things affects us more than the reality of things. Another way of saying that is: Attitude is Everything. My perception is that I have lost my mojo. “Peter” came up to me the other day and said he admired what he called my momentum. He is not “in the loop” of my failed plans. He said I was doing great and keep up the great work. Huh? I thought “failure” was written in red and all caps on my forehead. Maybe my mojo is just on pause.

What throws me off track may not faze you at all. What is a chore to me (e.g., exercising) may be a joy for you. My joy of gardening may be your chore. Norman Vincent Peele said, “Change your thoughts, and you change your world.” That is why learning the lesson from your setback and then trying again, with this new information to guide you, is success. Yes, success is a journey, not a destination.

I am changing my attitude. I am in the midst of a recovery process. This not just semantics. By modifying my attitude and focusing on the recovery (not the setback), it is much easier to think about ways to do it better next time. I am able to let go of the pain. I am able to let go, and not be bitter. I have mapped out the pitfalls. I am changing what I can – me. I am getting prepared. I am learning to accept. How about you?

This Week’s Coaching:
Everything begins with learning you are. So. Who are you? Write it down. What do others think of you? Write that down. How do the lists compare? Are there any contradictions that concern you?

What have you done lately? Think about the ease, or not, for you of the accomplishment and the impact of your accomplishment on work or at home.

What do you need to accept? It is, what it is. How are you going to deal with reality? Write down your plan. Make it so.

Let me know how your life’s journey is going for you. I'm curious, what helps you? What are your challenges? Send me an email, or enter a comment below and let me know how this exercise works for you. I’d love to know. Thanks!

All things are possible,
Elisabeth

Elisabeth Adler-Lund
Executive and Life Coaching
Telephone: 916 • 803•1494
E-mail: eal@EALCoaching.com

TEN JOB INTERVIEW TIPS

Here are ten tips to increase your chances of landing the job!

1. Go after small organizations with twenty or fewer employees, since they create two-thirds of all new jobs.

Small is better for increasing your odds of actually getting the job. Small employers usually don’t have a dedicated recruiter, so you will most likely be interviewed by the person or people you will be working with on the job. You can check them out while they check out you.

If benefits are very important to you, keep in mind that bigger is better. Generally, the bigger the company, the greater variety and better the benefits that are available.

2. Hunt for interviews using the aid of friends and acquaintances, because your job-hunt requires eighty pairs of eyes and ears.

You will get a job faster through networking. Employers really want to hire someone they know. If they don’t know you, you may not get the interview. If they know someone and that person recommends you or does the introduction, it increases your chances by 80%.

3. Do thorough homework on an organization before going there, using Informational Interviews, the library, the internet and industry magazines.

All the resources have some piece of information about the organization. You cannot be over-prepared. Knowledge is power. Sometimes just the fact you took the time to research the company, will get you the job.

4. At any organization, identify who has the power to hire you there, for the position you want, and use your friends and acquaintances' contacts, to get in to see that person.

This goes back to networking and getting to know the right person. People are risk averse. That means that they want to be certain they hire the right person. They want to know the person they hire. Getting known can only help you.

5. Ask for just twenty minutes of their time when asking for the appointment; and keep to your word.

This will get you the informational interview. Get known. Meet them. Demonstrate your passion, knowledge, abilities and previous experience. They will welcome it. Instead of having to find you, you go to them!

6. Go to the interview with your own agenda, your own questions and curiosities about whether or not this job fits you.

Interviewing is a two-way street. You may not want the job after you find out more about it. Or you may not feel you’ll get along with the person in the day-to-day business of the job.

7. Talk about yourself only if what you say offers some benefit to that organization, and their “challenges.”

At this point in the relationship, they only care about you can do for them. WIFM – What’s In it For Me to hire you? That is the whole point of the interview. So only talk about what you can do for them. If you know what their challenges are up front (see #3- research the company), come to the interview with a solution or two. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be workable.

8. When answering a question of theirs, talk only between twenty seconds and two minutes, at any one time.

Think of some questions you’ve been asked during previous interviews and come up with some ready responses. Then sit and time your responses. Twenty seconds can be a long time. Be succinct and only answer what they ask you. Stay focused on what they asked, and only answer that question.

9. Approach the interview as if you are a resource person, able to produce better work for that organization than anyone else.

Position your skills, knowledge, abilities and previous experience as a resource for them to use to solve their challenges. Don’t be a know-it-all, but demonstrate how you can help them. “This challenge is very similar to a problem I had at … and we/I solved it this way…”

10. Always write a thank-you note the same evening of the interview, and mail it at the latest by the next morning.

I’m going to go old school on you and suggest actual pen to paper and putting it in snail mail to each panel member. Bring these materials with you and write them in your car after the interview. Then pop them in the mail on your way home.

The alternative is to send individual email messages that afternoon to the interview panel thanking them for the pleasure of their company and taking the time to interview you. Tailor each message to each panel member. They may compare notes/emails and you don’t want to appear cookie-cutter or lazy.

Bonus tip: Be prepared! Yes, the Boy Scout motto works well in the job hunt. Come to the interview with extra résumés and cover letters. Carry business cards with your name and contact information ready to exchange with the interview panel. Dress your best for the interview. Be ten minutes early. Relax; you know you’re a good fit. Just show them the real you in all your competent and experienced glory.

This Week’s Coaching

Review these tips and see were your vulnerabilities lie. The more prepared you are, the more confident you’ll feel and the better impression you’ll give. All good.

Are you spelunking or mountain climbing yourself? I am referring to last week’s post about uncovering and identifying your values. Keep refining your list so that you know exactly what your “must haves” and your “deal-breakers” are in this lifetime. This works in job interviews too. If a job or the company’s process or the interviewer, crosses one of your deal breakers, you can be clear on why you are turning down a job. Conversely, if they echo your values you will know immediately that this is right for you. Let me know how it is going for you by sending me an email or making a comment below.

A dream with a plan is a goal. A goal without a plan is just a dream.

All things are possible,

Elisabeth

Elisabeth Adler-Lund

Executive and Life Coaching

Telephone: 916 • 803•1494

E-mail: eal@EALCoaching.com

Who Are You?

Values are who we are. Not who we would like to be, not who we think we should be, but who we are in our lives, right now. Another way to put it is that values represent our unique and individual essence, our ultimate and most fulfilling form of expressing and relating to others. Our values serve as a compass, pointing out what it means to be true to oneself. When we honor our values on a regular and consistent basis, life is good and fulfilling. Isn’t that what we all want?

Today is all about who you are and what is important to you.

As a coach, I know that when people contact me, they want a better life. It could for career coaching to get a better job. Or, coaching to cope with a project. Or, to help them figure out why they are not succeeding as well as they want. Or, to improve their leadership skills in today’s new work realities.

All those reasons for coaching are really all about improving their lives. These are just different aspects of improving one’s life. When you are clear about what your values are, it is easier to make decisions in your life. Knowing your own values makes it easier to know when your life has gotten out of whack and how to get back on track. Values are the why and how of the way you live your life.

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

(Apology 38a) Socrates.

In today’s living, we are often so busy achieving, doing, searching, accomplishing and getting somewhere (literally and figuratively) that we fail to take the time to examine our lives and see what makes us “tick”. Then, something happens or someone asks us to do something. We don’t like it. However, we can’t really say why it is wrong for us. Others seem to have no problems do it. So, we sweep that unease under the rug of our lives and go on. We do that enough times and we will be miserable, without understanding why. Today we will begin to get to why.

Your life will be more fulfilling when your decisions are viewed through a matrix of well-understood personal values. However, the process of clarifying values is often difficult. This is because we go to our heads to intellectualize and fantasize. Today I want you to look into your life and uncover the values that are already there, in your day-to-day actions and interactions with others.

Do not Google “values list” to get a comprehensive list so that you can be definitive in your answers. That is not the point of today’s exercise. That will not work, because the list becomes an opportunity of voting on which ones are the most desirable or currently in vogue. It reinforces the intellectual urge to figure it out and get the words right. There is no right or wrong on your list. Your values are observable as you live your life. So picking from a list won’t help you. You live in the “real” world. Go there for your list of values.

Grab A Pencil AND Eraser

In a minute, I want you to write down some words on a piece of paper. Just throw down the words. You will be reluctant to do that freely if you have a pen in your hand. Thus, you must choose the correct instrument, a pencil. Pencil can be erased. You don’t have to be perfect. The exact right word is NOT important the first time through this exercise. You will have time to refine things later. No one will see this – until you are ready. Still, experience tells me this exercise works better with a pencil and eraser. The commitment of pencil to paper makes this real. We all seem to be a little commitment-phobic when we are about to make our lives real.

Getting the exact right word will be important at the end. What is more important now is that the approximate label for the value is captured. Values have much more emotional meaning than the definition of a single word allows. Plus, meanings are in people, not in dictionaries. Each individual has his or her own unique meaning for each value. We may have different meanings even though we use the same word.

Use several words together to form a string describing the value. Separating the words with a forward slash makes the string easier to read. Here are some examples:

Integrity/Honesty/Walk-the-talk

Integrity/Whole/Congruent

Fun/sense of humor/playful

After creating the values string, circle the most significant word in your string.

It may take you several months to come up with a fairly complete list of your values. Since values show up over time in our lives, it is unlikely that we will be able to capture them accurately and completely in one or two sittings. Values that are fully defined and elaborated on become a powerful tool in pointing you toward fulfilling choices as you approach a major crossroads or get off track.

Perspectives

I want you to go into your life, not into your head for this exercise.

Relax, get comfortable. Identify special, peak moments when life was especially rewarding or poignant for you. It’s important that the time frame be limited to a “moment.” That will limit the experience to allow you to pinpoint specific values. Ask yourself these questions to uncover what is important to you in one particular moment of time.

• What was happening?
• Who was there and what was happening?
• What are the values being honored in this particular moment?
• What was important right then?
• Distill that experience down to one or two words. What are they?

Repeat this process with several moments in the times of your life. Think about values of achievement or accomplishment; nature and connection; family and individuals; and so forth. When a word resonates or rings true to you, keep elaborating on that value until you have fully captured all the nuances of that value. Keep looking and examining your peak moments that you found to be particularly rich and rewarding. Ask yourself, “What made it rich and rewarding for me?” Remember, all answers are the right answers for you. This is all about you.

A Different Perspective Or Pit Experiences

Another way to isolate your values is to go to the other way. Examine those moments in time that you were in the pit of life’s experiences. When you were angry, frustrated, devastated, upset or in “hell.” This often will help you discover a value that you are suppressing. You flip it over and look at the opposites of those feelings for the value represented. I had a client, “Alicia.” Alicia had a pit experience after her and her team at work successfully finished a project. The team leader had left early in the project and Alicia had stepped into the lead position. During a banquet, kudos were handed out to the team in recognition, but Alicia’s extra contribution was overlooked. She felt angry, frustrated, and upset. After we examined this “pit experience,” the value of acknowledgement appeared. Alicia had suppressed this value because she thought modesty and being a “good girl” were the “correct” values to have. After examining her values, Alicia realized she could be a modest, good girl and receive the acknowledgement she deserved for assuming the team lead role.

If you have felt trapped or cornered, you might have a value around creativity or freedom. The first time through, the vocabulary doesn’t have to be exactly right. It is more important that the word or string of words feel right to you. You can refine your list any time. Think of it as a rough draft right now.

Life, As You Know It

We generally create our lives in a way that demonstrates our values without thinking or knowing exactly what they are. We often live on autopilot. We may not even recognize them until something gets in the way or we need to make a big decision. Then suddenly, we want to know our values. Or, we don’t care until we are in distress – a clear signal a value is being violated or suppressed.

Look also for obsessive behavior. Do you insist on honoring a value and inflate it into a demand rather than a form of self-expression? Remember when your roommate’s value of orderliness became an obsessive demand for perfection? Our friends and families often do us a service by pointing out the obsessive expression of our values: “You are so controlling!” “All you think about is your students.” “You want all the attention.” These statements might point toward a value of personal power/leadership, of learning/growth, and of recognition/acknowledgment. Examine those times when you take certain values to the extreme. “What is it that people say about you? What do you say about yourself?” “What is it that people tease you about or that drives them crazy?” There are important values here that have mutated for some reason. Look for the value, and don’t focus on the mutation.

Beyond the physical requirements of food, shelter, and community, what must you have in your life in order to be fulfilled? Must you have a form of creative self-expression? Must you have adventure and excitement in your life? Must you have partnership and collaboration? Must you be moving toward a sense of accomplishment or success or be surrounded with natural beauty? An underlying

question for the process is What are the values you absolutely must honor—or part of you dies?

This Week’s Coaching

Keep repeating the above exercises over the next few months. Yes, “Months.” Keep refining your list. You haven’t grown your values in a day; you won’t create your list in a day. For some of your big, important values you will have to dig down deep to uncover them. Just like Alicia, you may be suppressing one value because of other values. I encourage you to visit your pit and peak experiences. Both have … value(s).

Keep your list handy. I will be revisiting this subject in a couple of months. Until next week …

Happy self-exploration!

A dream with a plan is a goal. A goal without a plan is just a dream.

All things are possible,

Elisabeth

Elisabeth Adler-Lund

Executive and Life Coaching

Telephone: 916 • 803•1494

E-mail: eal@EALCoaching.com